Sunday, July 22, 2012

How to Lose Control.

Sometimes my friends remark that I'm the person who goes and actually does certain things.  I'll talk to the stranger.  I'll move out of the country.  I'll dance my heart out on the dance floor.  These don't make me heroic by any means.  They hardly make me extraordinary.  Yet, I never stop being surprised at how often it comes up.

I could chalk it up to a lack of impulse control, and I suppose there is enough evidence to wage a solid case.  However, I think that a lack of such control could behoove many people better.

It's powerful how often I think, "I should do _________."  Then, I take a moment--truly just a moment--to reflect, and unless there are a million "This is why I shouldn't" thoughts that race to my mind, I just do it.

It gets me to make new friends.  It helps me succeed at work.  It helps be authentic to myself, and in turn, with others.

From a 1 to 10, how much do you lose control?  How has that changed over the years?  What races through your mind?  Do you wish you overrode your impulse control more often?  Why or why not?

People who lose control should consider:
1) What is the worst that could happen?  What is the best?  I have a feeling that the former is not very likely, or if it is....and at least it'd improve authentic living.  I have a feeling that the latter is hard to imagine and the more likely result with a world of possibilities.

2) What am I afraid of?

3) Could releasing some control draw me closer to important people in my life?

4) What or who taught me to need this kind of control?  (And dig with that one.)

People who I think need to consider losing some control:
Anyone over 36.
Anyone who oversees another person in a job.
Anyone who has possessions.
Anyone who has a regular routine.

Loved these articles on the topic, too:

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

How to Date a Tall(er) Woman

In online dating, men can narrow down their women.  More easily than choosing a pair of shoes, men can figure out the perfect fit for the perfect occasion.  They can choose the astrological sign, the income bracket, the ethnic background, and even the attractiveness level.

Why surf the profiles of 100,000 women in your local metropolitan area if the search engine can pare it down to 50,000 women who fall into the age bracket of the woman you're supposed to meet?  I mean, a 32 year old man would hate to waste time sifting out 36 year old women when he knows that 35 is the cap of his love.  Technology is a godsend for streamlining love.

Well, then there is height.  I'm a good-looking person.  I'll even say beautiful.  I am heavier than the Calista Flockhart and Julia Roberts.  Nevertheless, I am beautiful and attractive.  Yet, I am surprised how often men want fit, small women.  They want fit, but they don't want strong.  I'm a strong woman.

Just as it takes a man confident and comfortable in his masculinity to date a taller woman, it takes a woman confident and comfortable in her femininity to date a shorter man. I have no doubt that it's society that ingrains this.  If a man truly wanted to create rockstar progeny, they'd all be flocking to the taller women. 

The other end of it is that men (and people in general) who are attracted to me as a strong woman sometimes, well, need that strength.  I want my strength to accentuate that of my man's, and vice versa.

Nevertheless, type in "date a taller woman" in quotes (finding exact matches only), and Google pulls up about 20,000 pages on the subject.  This is something that is clearly troubling men, so let's get to it.  How to do it?  So here's the set of directions:

1) Think outside the box.  Remember that sexy is surprising.  I'm 6'2, and I couldn't believe how sexy I found a boyfriend who stood 5'6.  Remember that we're usually in it for a man who has confidence, finds us attractive (inside and out), and wants to engage in a healthy get-to-know-you with us.

2) Find your sexy dance.  I'm reminded of John Cage in Ally McBeal who works his way up to be sexy for Portia DeRossi.  Find your sexy dance, think of the time you feel the sexiest, and channel that whenever.

 3) Don't let it be the elephant in the room.  Rather, compliment her on her height.  Remind her that you find all the bits and pieces (and lengths) of her sexy.  Heck, even splurge and buy her a pair of heels if she's the kind who likes to dress up.

4) You might turn heads, but in a way that will make people smile and think is   I can't believe how many compliments we'd receive for being a beautiful, in love couple, although I know a lot of it was because we defied social norms and just stayed with the person we loved.

5) Realize this is the manliest you could ever look.  I see it, guys.  You find the woman who is smaller than you so you look like the manly one.  Well, it could just be me (and my friends), but a truly manly man owns who he is and doesn't need to be the towering 5'6 man over a 5'1 woman to find peace.  I know this is a little redundant, but I just can't stress it enough.

Well, good luck out there!  Let me know how it goes or how you stand on the matter. :)

Saturday, July 14, 2012

How to worry about a friend who has changed: I want my friend back.

For five days, I went on a road trip with one of my best friends who lives halfway across the country. We hadn't had talks like this for years, if not forever. In fact, I wonder if he knows I regard him as one of my best friends, but I think he does.

He has gone from a friend who BELIEVES in love and in life to a friend who isn't sure what he believes in anymore.  This made me want to stop the car, turn to him, give him a huge hug, and erase the pain away from his memory with a cool rag.  How dare someone (even if that someone is just reflective thought) corrupt someone who used to be so firm in his belief in love, relationships, kindness, and the goodness of others and life itself.  Life can be dark.  Life can be a bastard.  But don't get one of my friends like him.  Not him.

On the other hand, I can't stand that I was that upset.  Just as he and I discussed, he can't be swayed from these thoughts from a time like this.  He can't be told to snap out of it.  And it might not be the kind of thing a person snaps out of.  It might be that life has embittered him (or woken him up?) because that's the true nature of life.

He is making choices and viewing from a life that the earlier him would consider to be unacceptable.  He is a little dark and a little cynical, and a lot sad.  He is making choices and viewing life in ways that I don't like, in ways that make me uncomfortable, and in ways that just makes me sad.  And maybe it's because I'm living in a naive, ignorant, and pitiful existence, but I really like it here, and it's hard not having him here.

What is there to do but keep being his friend?  He's the kind of friend that there is no option to do anything but just that.