Monday, June 18, 2012

How to Lose This Girl in Two Dates: Bad Dates Gone Worse

I'm a pretty forgiving girl, but when this all happened within the context of two dates, I had to put the kibosh on this winter-spring (29-25) romance:

1) Text that you aren't feeling so well a day before a date, and then say you're canceling the date an hour before we're supposed to meet.  But then don't reply for two days after I text you sweet "feel better" wishes.
2) Show up late (about 15-20 minutes per time), twice, and offer no explanation or apology (as I sit alone in your chosen fancy restaurants twice with no phone call or explanation).
3) Order an obscure drink for me without asking.
4) Ask when my dating you gets to be made public to my friends and colleagues. (?!?!?)
5) Give me five minutes of directions after I say I know where to go.

Done and done.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

How to Write a Bucket List: My List for Living

This list isn’t about counting down to kicking the bucket. Nope. That makes me think of the floors I need to mop. I don't even own a mop.  A wet rag on the floor usually does great.

I digress.

This is the work-in-progress list of things I’d like to count in while living my life.

  1. Get reiki.
  2. Get acupuncture.
  3. Start putting money aside for little ones in my life.
  4. Take a singing lesson.
  5. Run a half marathon.
  6. Do 100 push-ups.
  7. Take a class where I use pottery wheel.
  8. Lay floor and wall tile.
  9. Read Ulysses.
  10. Flash mob.
  11. Give a child a home.
  12. Return to Guam to show my husband and children.
  13. Make a quilt for each of my loved ones.

How to pick a woman up.

Picking up a woman is a lost art.  Here is how I think more guys should do it.

Look at Patrick Swayze's mad skills here, and note how failures are covered by laughs and zero complaints.


Learn from a guy who recently (Friday night) met me at a bar.  I left impressed, willing to give him my number, still thinking about him the next day, and willing to go on a date with him this week.

Five steps to picking up a lovely lady at an oh-so-innocuous bar:

1) Approach her.  

Whether she is talking to someone, sitting by herself, or even in a gaggle of girlfriends, be willing to walk up to her.  Maybe it is intimidating, just approaching her is a sign of flattery and chivalry in this girl's book.  Worst case scenario, she says no.  Best case scenario, you will meet one of the most impactful people of your entire life. 

Don't stress about what she thinks of you.  Rather, focus on how a) you know you are a good, quality guy, b) you're interested in learning good, quality details about her, and c) you want to foster a good, quality connection between the two of you.

2) Ask a question, and turn it into a conversation.

While you can simply approach her by saying "Hi, how are you?", you should have a couple follow-up questions in your capability. No matter what, from the hello to the good-bye, show the sincerity that hopefully exists.

If you are doing all of the talking, if you just fire questions at her, or if you are not sharing any thoughts or opinions, it does not count as a conversation.  You could try, though, something like, "So, my friend and I have a debate about _________ that I was hoping to get your opinion on."  Or, simply ask how her weekend is going.

The biggest thing is to listen and to respond. All the while, bring up cool things about yourself in natural, not braggadocios ways.

 4) Take interest in her friends.

Aforementioned phone-number-winner talked to all of my friends.  He didn't need to be babysat or monitored.  He took interest in their stories, in their connections to one another (and to me), and didn't look like he was trying too hard.  It was like he was genuinely interested in who I am.

And when he walked away to go to the bathroom, I looked for their opinions, and I realized he'd pretty much won everyone over.  I'm still impressed.

It also gave me room so I didn't feel like he was just hovering around me.  I could talk to others, go get a drink, or do as I pleased, and he was perfectly content talking to my friends.  Before I knew it, I was left wondering if he was ever going to come back and talk with me more, and it made me happy when he did just that.

5) If you're drunk, walk away.

If you are trying to meet someone of quality, you should hope that she would want you to be a quality state of being.  If she is really that amazing, stop drinking, have a bite to eat and a glass of water, and go back in an hour or two to strike up a conversation.  I noticed that said guy didn't increase his about of alcohol while talking with me, and it was simply refreshing.  It wasn't a drunken stumble.  It was a deliberate, sincere, and sober conversation.