Sometimes my friends remark that I'm the person who goes and actually does certain things. I'll talk to the stranger. I'll move out of the country. I'll dance my heart out on the dance floor. These don't make me heroic by any means. They hardly make me extraordinary. Yet, I never stop being surprised at how often it comes up.
I could chalk it up to a lack of impulse control, and I suppose there is enough evidence to wage a solid case. However, I think that a lack of such control could behoove many people better.
It's powerful how often I think, "I should do _________." Then, I take a moment--truly just a moment--to reflect, and unless there are a million "This is why I shouldn't" thoughts that race to my mind, I just do it.
It gets me to make new friends. It helps me succeed at work. It helps be authentic to myself, and in turn, with others.
From a 1 to 10, how much do you lose control? How has that changed over the years? What races through your mind? Do you wish you overrode your impulse control more often? Why or why not?
People who lose control should consider:
1) What is the worst that could happen? What is the best? I have a feeling that the former is not very likely, or if it is....and at least it'd improve authentic living. I have a feeling that the latter is hard to imagine and the more likely result with a world of possibilities.
2) What am I afraid of?
3) Could releasing some control draw me closer to important people in my life?
4) What or who taught me to need this kind of control? (And dig with that one.)
People who I think need to consider losing some control:
Parents.
Teachers.
Anyone over 36.
Anyone who oversees another person in a job.
Anyone who has possessions.
Anyone who has a regular routine.
Loved these articles on the topic, too:
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/lose-control-to-find-closeness-in-your-relationships/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joe-robinson/out-of-control-why-adults_b_825833.html
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
How to Date a Tall(er) Woman
In online dating, men can narrow down their women. More easily than choosing a pair of shoes, men can figure out the perfect fit for the perfect occasion. They can choose the astrological sign, the income bracket, the ethnic background, and even the attractiveness level.
Why surf the profiles of 100,000 women in your local metropolitan area if the search engine can pare it down to 50,000 women who fall into the age bracket of the woman you're supposed to meet? I mean, a 32 year old man would hate to waste time sifting out 36 year old women when he knows that 35 is the cap of his love. Technology is a godsend for streamlining love.
Well, then there is height. I'm a good-looking person. I'll even say beautiful. I am heavier than the Calista Flockhart and Julia Roberts. Nevertheless, I am beautiful and attractive. Yet, I am surprised how often men want fit, small women. They want fit, but they don't want strong. I'm a strong woman.
Just as it takes a man confident and comfortable in his masculinity to date a taller woman, it takes a woman confident and comfortable in her femininity to date a shorter man. I have no doubt that it's society that ingrains this. If a man truly wanted to create rockstar progeny, they'd all be flocking to the taller women.
The other end of it is that men (and people in general) who are attracted to me as a strong woman sometimes, well, need that strength. I want my strength to accentuate that of my man's, and vice versa.
Nevertheless, type in "date a taller woman" in quotes (finding exact matches only), and Google pulls up about 20,000 pages on the subject. This is something that is clearly troubling men, so let's get to it. How to do it? So here's the set of directions:
1) Think outside the box. Remember that sexy is surprising. I'm 6'2, and I couldn't believe how sexy I found a boyfriend who stood 5'6. Remember that we're usually in it for a man who has confidence, finds us attractive (inside and out), and wants to engage in a healthy get-to-know-you with us.
2) Find your sexy dance. I'm reminded of John Cage in Ally McBeal who works his way up to be sexy for Portia DeRossi. Find your sexy dance, think of the time you feel the sexiest, and channel that whenever.
3) Don't let it be the elephant in the room. Rather, compliment her on her height. Remind her that you find all the bits and pieces (and lengths) of her sexy. Heck, even splurge and buy her a pair of heels if she's the kind who likes to dress up.
4) You might turn heads, but in a way that will make people smile and think is crazy.sexy.beautiful. I can't believe how many compliments we'd receive for being a beautiful, in love couple, although I know a lot of it was because we defied social norms and just stayed with the person we loved.
5) Realize this is the manliest you could ever look. I see it, guys. You find the woman who is smaller than you so you look like the manly one. Well, it could just be me (and my friends), but a truly manly man owns who he is and doesn't need to be the towering 5'6 man over a 5'1 woman to find peace. I know this is a little redundant, but I just can't stress it enough.
Well, good luck out there! Let me know how it goes or how you stand on the matter. :)
Why surf the profiles of 100,000 women in your local metropolitan area if the search engine can pare it down to 50,000 women who fall into the age bracket of the woman you're supposed to meet? I mean, a 32 year old man would hate to waste time sifting out 36 year old women when he knows that 35 is the cap of his love. Technology is a godsend for streamlining love.
Well, then there is height. I'm a good-looking person. I'll even say beautiful. I am heavier than the Calista Flockhart and Julia Roberts. Nevertheless, I am beautiful and attractive. Yet, I am surprised how often men want fit, small women. They want fit, but they don't want strong. I'm a strong woman.
Just as it takes a man confident and comfortable in his masculinity to date a taller woman, it takes a woman confident and comfortable in her femininity to date a shorter man. I have no doubt that it's society that ingrains this. If a man truly wanted to create rockstar progeny, they'd all be flocking to the taller women.
The other end of it is that men (and people in general) who are attracted to me as a strong woman sometimes, well, need that strength. I want my strength to accentuate that of my man's, and vice versa.
Nevertheless, type in "date a taller woman" in quotes (finding exact matches only), and Google pulls up about 20,000 pages on the subject. This is something that is clearly troubling men, so let's get to it. How to do it? So here's the set of directions:
1) Think outside the box. Remember that sexy is surprising. I'm 6'2, and I couldn't believe how sexy I found a boyfriend who stood 5'6. Remember that we're usually in it for a man who has confidence, finds us attractive (inside and out), and wants to engage in a healthy get-to-know-you with us.
2) Find your sexy dance. I'm reminded of John Cage in Ally McBeal who works his way up to be sexy for Portia DeRossi. Find your sexy dance, think of the time you feel the sexiest, and channel that whenever.
3) Don't let it be the elephant in the room. Rather, compliment her on her height. Remind her that you find all the bits and pieces (and lengths) of her sexy. Heck, even splurge and buy her a pair of heels if she's the kind who likes to dress up.
4) You might turn heads, but in a way that will make people smile and think is crazy.sexy.beautiful. I can't believe how many compliments we'd receive for being a beautiful, in love couple, although I know a lot of it was because we defied social norms and just stayed with the person we loved.
5) Realize this is the manliest you could ever look. I see it, guys. You find the woman who is smaller than you so you look like the manly one. Well, it could just be me (and my friends), but a truly manly man owns who he is and doesn't need to be the towering 5'6 man over a 5'1 woman to find peace. I know this is a little redundant, but I just can't stress it enough.
Well, good luck out there! Let me know how it goes or how you stand on the matter. :)
Saturday, July 14, 2012
How to worry about a friend who has changed: I want my friend back.
For five days, I went on a road trip with one of my best friends who
lives halfway across the country. We hadn't had talks like this for
years, if not forever. In fact, I wonder if he knows I regard him as one of my best friends, but I think he does.
He has gone from a friend who BELIEVES in love and in life to a friend who isn't sure what he believes in anymore. This made me want to stop the car, turn to him, give him a huge hug, and erase the pain away from his memory with a cool rag. How dare someone (even if that someone is just reflective thought) corrupt someone who used to be so firm in his belief in love, relationships, kindness, and the goodness of others and life itself. Life can be dark. Life can be a bastard. But don't get one of my friends like him. Not him.
On the other hand, I can't stand that I was that upset. Just as he and I discussed, he can't be swayed from these thoughts from a time like this. He can't be told to snap out of it. And it might not be the kind of thing a person snaps out of. It might be that life has embittered him (or woken him up?) because that's the true nature of life.
He is making choices and viewing from a life that the earlier him would consider to be unacceptable. He is a little dark and a little cynical, and a lot sad. He is making choices and viewing life in ways that I don't like, in ways that make me uncomfortable, and in ways that just makes me sad. And maybe it's because I'm living in a naive, ignorant, and pitiful existence, but I really like it here, and it's hard not having him here.
What is there to do but keep being his friend? He's the kind of friend that there is no option to do anything but just that.
He has gone from a friend who BELIEVES in love and in life to a friend who isn't sure what he believes in anymore. This made me want to stop the car, turn to him, give him a huge hug, and erase the pain away from his memory with a cool rag. How dare someone (even if that someone is just reflective thought) corrupt someone who used to be so firm in his belief in love, relationships, kindness, and the goodness of others and life itself. Life can be dark. Life can be a bastard. But don't get one of my friends like him. Not him.
On the other hand, I can't stand that I was that upset. Just as he and I discussed, he can't be swayed from these thoughts from a time like this. He can't be told to snap out of it. And it might not be the kind of thing a person snaps out of. It might be that life has embittered him (or woken him up?) because that's the true nature of life.
He is making choices and viewing from a life that the earlier him would consider to be unacceptable. He is a little dark and a little cynical, and a lot sad. He is making choices and viewing life in ways that I don't like, in ways that make me uncomfortable, and in ways that just makes me sad. And maybe it's because I'm living in a naive, ignorant, and pitiful existence, but I really like it here, and it's hard not having him here.
What is there to do but keep being his friend? He's the kind of friend that there is no option to do anything but just that.
Monday, June 18, 2012
How to Lose This Girl in Two Dates: Bad Dates Gone Worse
I'm a pretty forgiving girl, but when this all happened within the context of two dates, I had to put the kibosh on this winter-spring (29-25) romance:
1) Text that you aren't feeling so well a day before a date, and then say you're canceling the date an hour before we're supposed to meet. But then don't reply for two days after I text you sweet "feel better" wishes.
2) Show up late (about 15-20 minutes per time), twice, and offer no explanation or apology (as I sit alone in your chosen fancy restaurants twice with no phone call or explanation).
3) Order an obscure drink for me without asking.
4) Ask when my dating you gets to be made public to my friends and colleagues. (?!?!?)
5) Give me five minutes of directions after I say I know where to go.
Done and done.
1) Text that you aren't feeling so well a day before a date, and then say you're canceling the date an hour before we're supposed to meet. But then don't reply for two days after I text you sweet "feel better" wishes.
2) Show up late (about 15-20 minutes per time), twice, and offer no explanation or apology (as I sit alone in your chosen fancy restaurants twice with no phone call or explanation).
3) Order an obscure drink for me without asking.
4) Ask when my dating you gets to be made public to my friends and colleagues. (?!?!?)
5) Give me five minutes of directions after I say I know where to go.
Done and done.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
How to Write a Bucket List: My List for Living
This list isn’t about counting down to kicking the bucket. Nope. That makes me think of the floors I need to mop. I don't even own a mop. A wet rag on the floor usually does great.
I digress.
This is the work-in-progress list of things I’d like to count in while living my life.
I digress.
This is the work-in-progress list of things I’d like to count in while living my life.
- Get reiki.
- Get acupuncture.
- Start putting money aside for little ones in my life.
- Take a singing lesson.
- Run a half marathon.
- Do 100 push-ups.
- Take a class where I use pottery wheel.
- Lay floor and wall tile.
- Read Ulysses.
- Flash mob.
- Give a child a home.
- Return to Guam to show my husband and children.
- Make a quilt for each of my loved ones.
How to pick a woman up.
Picking up a woman is a lost art. Here is how I think more guys should do it.
Look at Patrick Swayze's mad skills here, and note how failures are covered by laughs and zero complaints.
Or.
Learn from a guy who recently (Friday night) met me at a bar. I left impressed, willing to give him my number, still thinking about him the next day, and willing to go on a date with him this week.
Five steps to picking up a lovely lady at an oh-so-innocuous bar:
1) Approach her.
Whether she is talking to someone, sitting by herself, or even in a gaggle of girlfriends, be willing to walk up to her. Maybe it is intimidating, just approaching her is a sign of flattery and chivalry in this girl's book. Worst case scenario, she says no. Best case scenario, you will meet one of the most impactful people of your entire life.
Don't stress about what she thinks of you. Rather, focus on how a) you know you are a good, quality guy, b) you're interested in learning good, quality details about her, and c) you want to foster a good, quality connection between the two of you.
2) Ask a question, and turn it into a conversation.
While you can simply approach her by saying "Hi, how are you?", you should have a couple follow-up questions in your capability. No matter what, from the hello to the good-bye, show the sincerity that hopefully exists.
If you are doing all of the talking, if you just fire questions at her, or if you are not sharing any thoughts or opinions, it does not count as a conversation. You could try, though, something like, "So, my friend and I have a debate about _________ that I was hoping to get your opinion on." Or, simply ask how her weekend is going.
The biggest thing is to listen and to respond. All the while, bring up cool things about yourself in natural, not braggadocios ways.
4) Take interest in her friends.
Aforementioned phone-number-winner talked to all of my friends. He didn't need to be babysat or monitored. He took interest in their stories, in their connections to one another (and to me), and didn't look like he was trying too hard. It was like he was genuinely interested in who I am.
And when he walked away to go to the bathroom, I looked for their opinions, and I realized he'd pretty much won everyone over. I'm still impressed.
It also gave me room so I didn't feel like he was just hovering around me. I could talk to others, go get a drink, or do as I pleased, and he was perfectly content talking to my friends. Before I knew it, I was left wondering if he was ever going to come back and talk with me more, and it made me happy when he did just that.
5) If you're drunk, walk away.
If you are trying to meet someone of quality, you should hope that she would want you to be a quality state of being. If she is really that amazing, stop drinking, have a bite to eat and a glass of water, and go back in an hour or two to strike up a conversation. I noticed that said guy didn't increase his about of alcohol while talking with me, and it was simply refreshing. It wasn't a drunken stumble. It was a deliberate, sincere, and sober conversation.
Look at Patrick Swayze's mad skills here, and note how failures are covered by laughs and zero complaints.
Or.
Learn from a guy who recently (Friday night) met me at a bar. I left impressed, willing to give him my number, still thinking about him the next day, and willing to go on a date with him this week.
Five steps to picking up a lovely lady at an oh-so-innocuous bar:
1) Approach her.
Whether she is talking to someone, sitting by herself, or even in a gaggle of girlfriends, be willing to walk up to her. Maybe it is intimidating, just approaching her is a sign of flattery and chivalry in this girl's book. Worst case scenario, she says no. Best case scenario, you will meet one of the most impactful people of your entire life.
Don't stress about what she thinks of you. Rather, focus on how a) you know you are a good, quality guy, b) you're interested in learning good, quality details about her, and c) you want to foster a good, quality connection between the two of you.
2) Ask a question, and turn it into a conversation.
While you can simply approach her by saying "Hi, how are you?", you should have a couple follow-up questions in your capability. No matter what, from the hello to the good-bye, show the sincerity that hopefully exists.
If you are doing all of the talking, if you just fire questions at her, or if you are not sharing any thoughts or opinions, it does not count as a conversation. You could try, though, something like, "So, my friend and I have a debate about _________ that I was hoping to get your opinion on." Or, simply ask how her weekend is going.
The biggest thing is to listen and to respond. All the while, bring up cool things about yourself in natural, not braggadocios ways.
4) Take interest in her friends.
Aforementioned phone-number-winner talked to all of my friends. He didn't need to be babysat or monitored. He took interest in their stories, in their connections to one another (and to me), and didn't look like he was trying too hard. It was like he was genuinely interested in who I am.
And when he walked away to go to the bathroom, I looked for their opinions, and I realized he'd pretty much won everyone over. I'm still impressed.
It also gave me room so I didn't feel like he was just hovering around me. I could talk to others, go get a drink, or do as I pleased, and he was perfectly content talking to my friends. Before I knew it, I was left wondering if he was ever going to come back and talk with me more, and it made me happy when he did just that.
5) If you're drunk, walk away.
If you are trying to meet someone of quality, you should hope that she would want you to be a quality state of being. If she is really that amazing, stop drinking, have a bite to eat and a glass of water, and go back in an hour or two to strike up a conversation. I noticed that said guy didn't increase his about of alcohol while talking with me, and it was simply refreshing. It wasn't a drunken stumble. It was a deliberate, sincere, and sober conversation.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)